Great Reads by Suki

(Play your favorite country song. Mine is God must be a cowboy by Dan Seals and God's Coloring Book by Dolly Parton!!🧡 This article exposes my silly little heart. Enjoy) I'm growing fond of cigarettes and beer glasses. I'm getting used to the kisses wrapped around whiskey and apple pie. Slow music in this crowded bar. I look around and I can barely see the faces of everyone else. But looking down on this wooden floor I can see gowns swaying and old boots moving around and right on my face is this man. "I love your long beard and that hat was a good choice." I go. This town. The weather is misty in the evenings, the music is louder than the raindrops and the air sounds like Rascal Flatts then Maren Morris..."can I get a hallelujah? can I get an amen? Feels like the holy ghost running through ya, when I play the Highway FM"... everyone sings along and the voice behind my head goes, " I want to exist here forever!" The country has a way of huggin...

I wrote this listening to 'I'm still into you'. I love love the songggg.  I always knew I was over the heartache. I knew a second look at Joe would disgust me more than melting me to a stupid squishy ball. It had been 4 months after all. I took my letter writing shit seriously in as much as we lived together. I found it necessary to drop a letter once in a while but the best part of it all, he replied to every single part. Most times he'd slide them under my pillow or stick them around the house wall on sticky notes. Cute right? Joe was not my first love, he was not my second, not my third but I definitely thought he'd be my last. He was everything I'd write down on a list of the things I want in a person. But people come in black and white and red and yellow and all colours, but for him, he was stuck on a weird gray color. He was kind, cool, cute but too loud when he should have been silent but most of all he was my retribution. See here is the thing about unre...

  Sometimes I can feel myself press so hard on you, I can feel myself soften, smile and giggle. Other times too fast, too slow, too lazily, too ambitiously. How do you handle all these mixed feelings? How do you handle me? One time I'll throw you across the room, half way done, then collect you like six days later, as an after thought, or an oops thought. Other times I'll put you so close, hug you, cuddle you, place you safely under my pillow! The worst of times I'll sprawl shit on you, then pull you apart and on really bad days torch you. Do you ever miss the parts of you that I rip apart? I met you when I was like 6, now I'm 22 and I have filled a whole library of you and your friends. You have met all of me. The darkest pits of me, the most beautiful parts of me, the in betweens. You get through my head, you dust out the windows up there, you draw the curtains up there to air a bit, you plant flowers up there and take the good and the bad parts to yourself, safely, s...

(Extracts from my dreams about Atticus that I will never publish)...  "Why are you kissing me like you are afraid to tear my lips?"  "Am I" "Come here," He pulled me closer and I was almost sitting on his laps, "Closer" Now I was sitting, sitting on him and I could feel him bulge.  I turned my head a little to listen to the leaking sound of my fridge and a creaking sound of my old wardrobe door. Then it hit me, I was dreaming about him again in the most absurd of times. I rolled out of bed and tiptoed to the bathroom. I did not want to wake my sneaky link from Lisa's party up. I cleaned my face and walked to my study desk. I knew I wouldn't fall asleep any time again. Something about thinking about him just kept me awake at the wierd hours of the night. I poured my cereal in a bowl and began eating it raw as I waited for my laptop to start.  Command >>>Files >>>Private folder >>>Open doc >>>Midnight mus...

  To love and to be loved are two totally extreme things. One is on one end and the other some other far end. Do you understand? Mnaget? Of course not! So let me explain.  Case scenario/ POV/ Situation. "Me and my boyfriend" Welcome to my life, my bedroom mostly, our bedroom! (Sorry) and my heart, soul, mind. If you asked me what love was precisely a year ago, since today (14/02), is our anniversary, I would have a really absurd answer. By absurd I mean the usual. The 'kawaida' love you hear about on wedding speeches or atleast in novels. Novels that are cliche'. Love for me was flowers. All kind of flowers I had an obsession with roses ever since I was little. (My mum's name is Rose.) How else then would you have shown love to that little girl than planting roses on her hands, doorsteps, bedroom floor! You feel me? Love was strawberries and all the cute stuff. The forehead kisses, the little hugs, hand holding, snuggling in bed, cute lil' names, making lo...

We all have that friend who for some reason is always linking you up with wierd jobs. I'm not complaining. No name, no case, but this friend of mine will even tell, you that bedsheets za statehouse zinaoshwa na wanataka watu waende waoshe, oh sijui barabara zinasweepiwa na ameambiwa aende na mtu mmoja. This time it was a little bit realistic. She landed on a job ya kupark documents in boxes, in an office in tao, for a person who was switching work places. The job began at around 9am and by 12 midday we were done. The best thing about her jobs is that you get paid immediately. So she gave me my money and I was about to head home until she asked me to take her get stuff kwa supa then we would go home together after. Tukaenda supa and I was surprised she was getting chocolates. Too much chocolate. I'm the last person who should suggest what too much chocolate is. So you bet it was.  We walk to the cashier and the money she has is barely enough to pay for all that. Mind you she ask...

Excerpts from my diary that I shouldn't share... "...you have the kind of eyes that put a pulse on all the wrong places. Just a look to my direction and I think of all the possibilities between us. Do you stare at everyone like you do with me? It doesn't quite sit right, the way your eyes follow me across a room. But I don't mind. You have my mind floating in fantasies even when she is sitting next to me. Last weekend, headed to that party, while I was sitting on the back seat, and you were holding her hand at the front seat while driving, but you couldn't resist staring at my thighs at the rear mirror. I smiled a little and you lost your grip from her hand. I saw that. I chose that outfit for you. Your girlfriend thought it was pretty too. Just saying... That same night, after the party, when you and her crashed at my house. I had to give y'all the bedroom. I wished it was you and me though. Laying on the couch and listening to the sounds she made and the gro...

The universe fascinates me, and I say this with so much honesty. Like look at everything around me, around you, around us! Look at people and I mean old, young, new born babies! Look at animals, cute little toy poodles (Bobo has one!), that just want to cuddle and be cute, to fierce wild lions that just want to pounce at you.  Look at yourself mostly. The arrangement or disarrangement, the symmetry or asymmetry, your eyes, your nose, your lips, teeth. Am I the only one who thinks that my facial features are in secret communication, like maybe my eyes whisper to my nose sorry when I have a cold? I mean look at the scars on your knees that you got as a child and they don't seem to get away. Those are beauty marks. Those are the switch buttons that awaken the child in you. They literally remind you how happy you were!  Look at your thought process. How your mind works. How you figure out stuff and how you mess up stuff and everything in between! Do you ever look in the mirror and...

  At the end of the day the sun kisses my face and then goes down on me;)🌤️💛/Endings are beautiful! You know how we all have this conversation about self growth and we really don't narrow down to what it  is. Well I have been on the self growth calendar for the past few months and this shit is not just it. It's not what y'all label it to be. It's not the pretty quotes on Pinterest, the soft art that we all tend to resolve to vision boards or even skin care. It's none of that. This is totally on a personal perspective and I stand to be fact checked.  Just today I was having a deep conversation with my best friend and as she kept typing on her phone I scrolled up to where it all began and I went on reading everything all the way down and guess what I typed when I got to the bottom of our chats?  "Do you think I'm emotionally immature?" She had not left the chat and she began to record a voice note and while listening to it I broke into one of those sel...

I should have told my friends this story but it was the last day of school and it was pretty embarrassing. Soooo the weekend towards the last week of our physical classes was my cousin's (Brian)  birthday and of course he had a party. It was in a club in town. I was skeptical about going out but anyways sikua na kitu ya kufanya so why not!  So the party went on well. Very well infact. Except that Brian's girlfriend wasn't there. Apparently she was mad at him and so she didn't show up. Who misses their boy's party though juu umejam. Anywayyyyyy. At 9 pm we left the club went to Brian's place, Buru for the rest of the sherehe. That was Saturday night.  Fast forward to Friday evening. A week later, we were walking to Kahawa, from school, KU along that stretch between school Gate and Engen, with my classmate, yes you guessed right, Karen! Halfway through the stretch, a girl looks at us so keenly and even after she is past us she turns her head. Mimi apo nikaanza kuc...