Great Reads by Suki

I died when I was 17. I did not have anything as fanciful as a eulogy, or even the least, a funeral. When you die a death like mine, you barely get a final resting place or the roses placed around your place of final rest. Your grave smells of moss and other things that begin to grow. Some that I had never experienced in any of my 17 years of existence. A premature end, no one present to piece the stories together or to narrate the life and times if any. Comfortably in my grave, sitting there for the last couple of years, I decided to script a story of my own. Of the things I loved and the things I lived for. Of the things that hurt and those that brought a ton of joy. As I await judgment, I jolt down my eulogy, who would know, Mortui Vivos Docent, they say. A perfect narration of all my archetypes those that were seen and those that I only knew. Those that I role-played and those that actually existed. A beautiful coming to age, illustration of a dead girl's persons, shadows, anim...

I should have told my friends this story but it was the last day of school and it was pretty embarrassing. Soooo the weekend towards the last week of our physical classes was my cousin's (Brian)  birthday and of course he had a party. It was in a club in town. I was skeptical about going out but anyways sikua na kitu ya kufanya so why not!  So the party went on well. Very well infact. Except that Brian's girlfriend wasn't there. Apparently she was mad at him and so she didn't show up. Who misses their boy's party though juu umejam. Anywayyyyyy. At 9 pm we left the club went to Brian's place, Buru for the rest of the sherehe. That was Saturday night.  Fast forward to Friday evening. A week later, we were walking to Kahawa, from school, KU along that stretch between school Gate and Engen, with my classmate, yes you guessed right, Karen! Halfway through the stretch, a girl looks at us so keenly and even after she is past us she turns her head. Mimi apo nikaanza kuc...

 Read alongside any of these songs;🤌❤️🦋 Jealous, Labrinth Heartbreak Anniversary, Giveon A Little But Yours, JP Saxe Before You Go, Lewis Capaldi Yesterday I was at the store fetching for home plants and I saw this old couple explaining why they needed home plants so badly and it reminded me of you. God! We should have grown old together! In my wildest thoughts you shouldn't have crossed my mind like that especially after all this time. Something about old and happy couples trigger these feelings in me. Getting home I went over to my calendar and there it was, 1 year 3 days since we were no more. Heartbreak anniversary, more like heart break misery. Did you remember this day too, one year three days ago? The day we fought apart? Did it mean anything to you? I bet it didn't. Do you ever wish that we could relive us one more time? Last night, I felt the ounce of everything you ever said to me. All the heavy and light words, all the silly and serious conversations we had and one...

  Black as tan and yes I stan! Big hair that sits on your head like a crown You still need to be told that you are a queen? Big lips, plump in all the right places,  If only you knew! Is that why you speak volumes? Big round white eyes, Just look them in the face if you want to attack! Acne that resembles the scars on the moon Hips and a butt that would tear through your skin You are beauty, you are grace, you are cynical You are mysterious, you are whimsical And if they come at you Punch them in the face! Clothes of color that bring out this divine presence High heels to stand above the rest Elaborately infused style, extravagantly bathed in, Shea oils, black soaps, castor oils, cocoa magics! Blackinificent indeed! Dipped in chocolate, bronzed in elegance Black girl, you are your ancestors wildest dreams. A mind of gold Words like silver, how they cut, How you fall in love, How you reach for your dreams, How nobody could ever write you out, How you are magic, How you pick you...

  It scares me, being alone. Rather being lonely. I like to be surrounded by some sort of energy from other people and it's the needing that hurts. I like to promise myself that I am okay being alone, then it hits me I am not. Worse still, I have few people that I want to be around. I give them the power to use me, to treat me good, as long as they are available. I like to show up for them too. You know! Solitude! This is by far the most intimidating word for me. How exactly am I supposed to achieve this? How am I supposed to be comfortable with being an almost uninhabited space! Usually, it sounds to me like living somewhere in the backwoods, where it's mostly raining and cold and everything is sticky and ugly. That is solitude for me.  Lex likes to call negative solitude, anxiety. It makes sense, only because she makes sense alot of times. The whole endless loop, of seeking company, unnecessary company, to feel better. More or less, it's holding hands with anxiety and pat...

 Before I can explain why  I wasn't updating y'all, please ask Alexa to play Nairobi by Bensoul, because shit is about to go down.  Do you listen to the lyrics and actually realise that the whole story is someone's stunt or escapade or caper or situation, whatever the word. Point is someone is actually living and loving this song, from "Yule anakupea pia ananipea," to "Mbogi yangu iliniambia!" So here we go. I happen to be in a boys circle and I love it there. How I became part of the squad is out of my knowledge. Wait, is it cause my butt is tiny that they thought am a fellow man? I don't know! But hey, I wouldn't fit better in any other circle. Max, Brian, Elvo, Masha, Vicky and I were having a rather chill Friday afternoon. Board games have really become our thing so if you are looking to be unproductively productive, get board games, and card games too. Serves the same purpose. On a normal weekday, each of us would either do assignments, comp...

  Bitter blood in my veins, A lonely moonlight, In the middle of December. His ruining love, That comes in a certain hue of gray. All the lonely shadow dances, Behind my dark room. You start a war, That I'm the battlefield too, And the weapon, and more. I crave the wanting and Like how you hurt me so well! And how it gives me a pretty sort of pain, Does it make you feel better? Kissing with your eyes wide open, And saying it feels so good Does it really! Secrets, horrible secrets I see them buried behind your words Wrapped in pain, tears, power Tell me something! What is this obsession thing with you These careless feelings for me The impassionate, brutal, but yet so passionate. Love, sex, honesty, loyalty, One day I feel so solo, And just one touch, subtle touch on my lips, You awaken every sense, emotion, in me, every hair. And the magic of being a symphony, Just awakens, This dark poisson, Black, white, gray, blue emotions, All these tears,  But I still wanna stay, You stil...

"Are you even over him?" My sister asks! "How would I tell that am over him. How should I feel rather?" "I don't understand either. But the way you stared at his side, just something about how you looked at him." "It's all in your mind Lex. I think am over him."    But was I really over him? Even the slightest inch of trying to forget him or push him behind my mind for atleast a second. The fact that I thought about him more, now that we were not together, then when we were together freaked me out. Honestly it did. Are there like pills to get over someone? I swear I'd trade my organs for atleast a half day dose.     My therapist would easily call my situation a strange addiction. I would nod and then stop suddenly and maybe exclaim, "Strange huh!"     "Is it strange to feel someone so strongly or what?"    "It is strange that you are no longer together and you have all these fresh feelings for him."     I...