Dear Future Baby! 🦋

I have a name for you already,Nova. It means new and intuitive beginnings. Like a new star, Supernova! I have a face for you too. Of how you will have my nose and my brown eyes. Brown like honey, not hazel. I know you will wear my smile forever. And your ears will be  a little large. Your skin will glow like mine with the sun and the moon. And your teeth a little crooked. Your lips full and pouty!

You will be a writer, or a singer, or your hands might as well have the grace to hold paint brushes like Picasso. Your voice will be soft. Maybe softer than mine. You will hit the highest notes. Those that I couldn't. Your heart will be emerald. A kind garden of roses, with a few thorns here and there but with bold roses on the top, just like my mum. Your soul will be fierce, you will probably be a yin, since I'm a yang. You will be mystery and magic, you will have power within you. You will possibly fall in love with sweaters, coffee and Octobers.

 I cannot wait to chase sunsets with you. And watch the sunrise on our yoga mats. I can't wait to talk about boys. And tell you stories about the boys I kissed at 17. I can't wait to wrap Christmas gifts with you, bake cinnamon cookies, introduce you to Lisa, Lex, Kedrine, Karen and all these great people who are already here.

I want to come home to you everyday, put you to sleep, spank you, make ugly faces at you, give you pet names, read Peter Pan with you at bedtime, watch all my childhood bratz and barbie collections with you!! There is just everything and so much to do with you. 

And on those days you feel a little off, and I feel even worse. And neither of us can turn to the other. May you turn to the things you love maybe music, or write about it, or get some ice cream. Those days are bound to be there and so is life. I dread your teenage years, and the days you will start needing me less and less and needing your friends and clothes more and more. I dread the days you will feel less beautiful and get called ugly. I dread the days you will cry yourself to sleep since a boy broke your heart. Those days that there is nothing I can do about anything and those days that you will keep your door locked all day with loud music on so that you can't hear me calling you. I dread those days. As the sun sets, and as the birds sing the following morning and everything in between those days and nights I hope you realize it's just for a while and everything eventually adds up.

 I will not be paradise, I have never been paradise, but if you look close enough you will possibly see sunshine. You will see everything you will ever need. I'll be damned if am never enough for you. But I promise before you open your eyes to figure out if I love you too much or  too little or if I love you at all, I'll have swept you off your feet already. I'll never have to say how much I love you, because love for me is what everyone calls a Friday night. Is it wierd to miss and want to meet someone who just lives in your imagination? That's Nova for me!! How then don't you all believe that there is gravity in the words we write, and more gravity in the things we build in our minds?

For every rule you break, for every move you make, for every guy you kiss or punch in the face. Every single day, every word you say, every word I say, I will trace those conversations from the day you learn to speak to the day I am old and gray and can hardly hear what you say, and on those days I will play your voice in my mind on an endless loop and cry, laugh, frown, smile and wish I could repeat life with you, but on slower beats.

And if I leave you behind one day smile through the grief, smile through the pain, smile through the sorrow and pick yourself up each day at a time. Be kind to yourself, don't beat yourself up and kiss my picture by the wall, goodnight, before you go to bed. I promise to watch over you.🤍

Dads applications ongoing iykyk!😂😂😂