Heavens, please.

 

I know madness because I know what it is to be loved by you,

To desire you violently to the point of breaking myself on your shadow,

Everything I dare to spell out in poetry is about you,

And even when it's not about you it's an attempt to run from you,

My heart aches in the spaces that I have left empty for you,

Yet you still exsist somewhere away from me, unaware of my hunger.

For you, I will stretch out my hands in the darkness,

And they will still reach out for the tips of your fingers.

You watch me ache and you still stir things inside me that you dare not name.

Take any form and I will still recognize your soul,

Stake my chest and I will still crawl out of my grave to seek you out,

Run away worlds apart and memories of us will still visit me in the dark.

I am unable to stop saying your name even as it slips in between my lips like a curse,

So what do I do with this heart of mine,

When it has known so much, but refuses to move a beat past you?

How do I convince it that you are unmade for the love it holds?

That yours is as cold as ice, and no amount of fire in mine will melt it,

Yet, amid everything, it still yearns; beyond reason, beyond hope, beyond mercy.

And as my heart wanders after yours, it slips on a love bigger than itself, one that speaks,

Do not be anxious about anything, 

‎but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, 

‎present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, 

‎will guard your hearts and your minds...

‎So I return with the same petition, 

‎My voice worn thin from asking. 

‎This peace that passes all understanding is my supplication, 

‎Gold I have no need for neither do I silver, 

‎I long for days when it will all go quiet.

When the memories of us will stop haunting me.

‎My mind is a forest of whispering leaves.

‎If only I could have an open space, 

‎to rest my ears from listening

‎to what between the branches is lurking. 

‎The ocean in my mind is alive, 

‎Never holding still. 

‎How can I stop myself from drowning? 

‎Hunger has become my offering. 

‎My knees are tender from the hours I have pleaded. 

‎My throat dry from naming my longing over and over again. 

‎When will the heavens remember my name? 

‎