HEARTBREAK ANNIVERSARY 💔🍂

 Read alongside any of these songs;🤌❤️🦋

Jealous, Labrinth

Heartbreak Anniversary, Giveon

A Little But Yours, JP Saxe

Before You Go, Lewis Capaldi

Yesterday I was at the store fetching for home plants and I saw this old couple explaining why they needed home plants so badly and it reminded me of you. God! We should have grown old together! In my wildest thoughts you shouldn't have crossed my mind like that especially after all this time. Something about old and happy couples trigger these feelings in me. Getting home I went over to my calendar and there it was, 1 year 3 days since we were no more. Heartbreak anniversary, more like heart break misery.

Did you remember this day too, one year three days ago? The day we fought apart? Did it mean anything to you? I bet it didn't. Do you ever wish that we could relive us one more time? Last night, I felt the ounce of everything you ever said to me. All the heavy and light words, all the silly and serious conversations we had and one moment I was laughing in bed and the next I was breaking down on my bathroom floor. One moment I felt like you were there with me and the next I crumbled at the thought of someone else with you!

The day that I met you, I remember you making it clear that you did love hard and I thought it was one of every other guys' lines and you did love hard and I thought it was one of every other guys lines and you went ahead to tell me that you were not feeding me lines and that you meant the stuff you said. Hell, I wish I knew! How you let me be perfectly me without twisting me to fit in your wholesome aesthetic heart, how you loved me chaotically and hopelessly. In a moment I was living in a dream and I didn't ever want to wake up!

Your intriguing brown eyes, the scar on your nose, the way you loved the color red, while you had a thousand more colors to choose from. The way you guarded the old notebook that you carried around and how you said it had in it all the things that you could never put to words. How you had a whole page written about us and how it made you feel to be in love with me. Did you get rid of it? Are you sure all these feelings were that easy to give up on, in a year and three days now?

Funny how everything about you magically sat right with me. How your name was not really cool but suddenly I liked the way it sounded. How I thought you blinked differently and your gaze was kinda cute. How I was ready for you to break my heart, since it was only yours to break. How I was so sure I would love you until my very last breath and you would do the same for me. How you enjoyed racing your hands over my hair and how a little pressure on my hands by yours was enough for me to know that you wanted a kiss.  God, you were all mine sometime! All mine! Don't you miss how we rose to each other's occasions like we never did for anyone else?

Is she different? Your new girl? Do you tell her the things you used to tell me? Do you write poems about her too? Do you make banana pancakes for her on Saturdays too? Does she enjoy that? Do you share your brown sweater with her too on movie nights? Is her hair as curly as mine? Does she use raw coconut oil on it? Does she love the parts of you that I loved too? Your brown eyes, subtle lips, large palms, everything? Does she call you cute like I used to? Do you lower your eyes to her level when talking to her about something like you did with me? Do you tell her, "Fuck all the firsts, the only thing that matters to me with you are the forevers," like you did with me? Am I one of the firsts? Do you read out loud your favourite lines on the books you're reading just to see how her face flushes? Holy shit! Do you kiss her like you did with me? Cradling your head with her hand to get on top of her? That too? Tears stream from my eyes at the thought of all these and even though there are the exact tears that come from the same eyes, they feel completely new to me. The hurt feels so fresh and cold. God, I miss you!

I wish you would walk right to my door and to my table and read through my notebook.  The book I write about the little things I would have done right. The book I write about how in my head we are still together and I'm in your t-shirt. I'm jealous of the nights I don't lay with you, jealous if whoever that sleeps on you and melts into your chest. Jealous that there is nothing to forget about you. Jealous that there are no memories to make, but to line with the old ones, without you. You are the character I write about and the character I see when I read about love. I would swear on us, but there isn't anything to believe in anymore. You and I  are souls apart and I would never cut this ugliness open and spill it out to anyone else but you. I was in love with you, you were in love with me, but now you are holding another girl's hand. 

I will find you in the next world, the next life, and we will be in love and we will make up for the time apart. I will give you the credit all the time, I will kiss you a little longer, a little deeply, I will talk about you a little louder and I write about you more that ever. I will offer you my soul a second time. I will love you catastrophically, like Tessa and Harry in After.

😂 If you got to this point I bet you will need paper towels. Comment on a scale of 0-10 how this made you feel about someone you've loved before and y'all are no longer together!❤️🦋