IF I WAS TO BUILD A BOY!!🤎

 If I was to mold a boy, from soil, water then mud and boom! A boy, I would build you baby. I would build you with your errant curls and little acnes on your cheeks. I would build you with that eyebrow scar that you like to hide so well. I would not at all reduce the number of times you blink when you see me. I would build you with your uneven dimples and not try to align them. Especially those that appear at the corners of your mouth when you smile. I would build you with your veiny long arms that you think are heavy. I would build you with the huge birthmark on your bum that you so wish was not there. I would not fix a thing. I would not change a thing. For those flaws you cannot stand, trust me they make you look closer, like you belong somewhere, like they are a signature stamp for some sort of authenticity!

I like the way your height intimidates you. The way you feel wierd standing in a room full of people, and realize you are the tallest. I like your full shoulders, that take us hours to find a jacket that fits in a store. I fancy how you so innocently smile at small kids in public and get offended when they do not smile back. I like how you do not make eye contact with me after we haven't seen each other for a while. I would not change the fact that you are a little shy person, trapped in a huge body. The whole combination is magic for me baby and I would not change that either. Your perfection and mostly how I choose to define it fascinates me. Did I deserve you? But mostly, I would not change the sound of your footsteps when you walk down the stairs in the morning, when am making breakfast in the kitchen. How settling it makes me feel to feel your presence, and your girth all around me and in me. I would not change how loud you are, while playing video games, how you punch the couch and throw pillows around the room, and I am there staring at you, smiling at how human you are.

And on nights when you are sad, a little off the hook, I like to trace your veins, on your hands, I like to touch your face and stroke your hair until you fall asleep on me. And those nights when it's me, who just wants to shut down, I like the way worry is drawn all over your face like a smitten, scared cat, and the way you question everything;

  " Are you okay?"

  "Are the sheets okay?"

  "Should I change them to another color?"

  "Did you enjoy supper?"

  "Are you sure you don't want to write?"

  "Do you miss Dad?"

  "Can we call him?"

 And I'm there reduced to an emotional ball, wrapped around your safety almost crying for absolutely no reason!

If I was to rebuild you, I would not change your dreams. How you know what you want so well. I would not change the fact that you want our walls painted white with sage line art all over them. I would not change how you are obsessed with cars and how you can't wait to be a car collector. I would not change the fact that you think the moon affects my emotions on my periods. I would not question why you like to look outside on rainy and stormy nights. I would build your mind as it is and not at all touch the part of it that believes in true love. Because I love you, I love you, I love you TRUE, to Saturn and around.

The universe set time for two strangers to meet on one night in a city bar in the most unclear circumstances. The universe gave us one minute for us to fall in a hug, in the chaos of each others arms' , dead drunk waiting for cabs home in the middle of a drizzling night and then we became US. Ragged, worn out, exhausted, to magic, splendor and a love that never fades. And how much we  struggle to find a word for the two of us. But there is a particular sweetness and intensity in your lips that reminds me that it's you I want to taste always and forever. That I would never want you in any other way but yourself. The slightest change, the slightest alteration and your pieces would not fit in my pieces anymore. Or mine in yours. If I was to build a boy, I would rebuild you with everything you have. I would rebuild you with your truth, shyness, kindness, scars, perfections, everything. I would build you BABY. And if we ever go down in history, I hope they start our story with SHE LOVED HIM FIRST!🤎

I am back like I never left😂😪💔. I missed y'all. I wasn't doing anything in particular. I'm here to stay now. Don't be scared.❤️😂